Giving the Finger to Fear

Chicken!!!

I’ve always hated being called a chicken, yet I lived so many years of my life that way. When I was growing up I had thoughts, ideas, things I wanted to try, things I wanted to wear or do. I wasn’t very brave back then. I’d chicken out, too afraid of what others might say or think, or that I might fail, or too afraid of just being different or weird. Hell, let’s be honest. That lasted wayyyy past my childhood.

I’ve come a hell of a long way over the last 10 years. Now I’m okay with being me and just letting people think or say whatever they want. I’ve come out and let my gayness be known. I do these unorthodox workouts that aren’t “normal” and get lots of stares. I do my vegan thing though many just don’t get it. I dress the way I want and live in ways that others think are just weird. And I’m good with it. I’m now great with just being me and letting the chips fall where they may.

I’ve got a Life List full of 213 things – some I’ve done, some I’ve yet to do. Some of them involve overcoming fears of one type or another and not being a chicken. Today I did item #213 and it was my way of giving Fear the finger. For quite awhile I’ve wanted to shave my head. Not permanently, just for the experience. I’ve thought about it each time I’ve gone in for my regular haircut these last few months, but I kept coming up with reasons to put it off.

1. I’ve got really great, healthy hair. Maybe I should wait till it grays or something.

2. I’m going to see a friend I haven’t seen in years and I don’t want her to think this is how I always am.

3. What if it looks ugly or I don’t like it?

4. What if Shauna (my girlfriend) hates it?

5. What will my dad/mom say? (They tend to be quite outspoken.)

6. What will my sons say? (They totally hated the idea when I mentioned it awhile back.)

7. What will random strangers think when they see me? (Breast cancer, military, big old dike)

8. It’s going to make me look like your stereotypical lesbian or make people think I’m a “wish-I were- a-dude” lesbian and I don’t want to be seen that way.

Those are just a few of the thoughts in my head. You know what all of those are? FEAR. Nothing less. Every single one of them! There was no question that I really did want to try this shaving of my head thing. I never had a doubt about that. It was just a bunch of stupid fears.

So this morning, before leaving for my hair appointment, I asked myself “Are you going to regret it if you don’t do this today?” And the answer was Yes. That settled it. I looked myself in the face (thanks to the mirror) and asked myself:

“Are you going to chicken out? Are you going to let fear keep you from the things you really want to do in life?”